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Thu, Jan. 19th, 2012, 12:01 am
fernzola: (no subject)

[older lady co-worker at my job]
"My, don't you look handsome today! What's the occasion?"
ME: "Thank you. I have a job interview."
"Well, I'm sure you'll do fine since you look mighty stiffy."
ME: "What?!?!"
"Wait, that's not right, is it...?"

Sat, Oct. 8th, 2011, 12:03 pm
fernzola: (no subject)

[I'm in bed, and Conner comes and knocks on the door]
ME: Come in.
Conner: Well, good morning. Why are you crying?
Conner: [stares at me]
ME: Ugh, can I help you?

Wed, Sep. 7th, 2011, 02:02 am
fernzola: (no subject)

Conner: You know those little Asian bowls we got at Fry's yesterday? I just ate one and OH MY GOD!
ME: They were good, huh?
Conner: You don't even know. They were so good.
ME: I'm gonna have to try that later.
Conner: They were so good. Wow, look at me, I can't get over it!
ME: Hmm.
Conner: Oh my God, it was so good.
ME: Ugh, you're actually talking to Him? You disgust me.
Conner: I didn't say I was talking to God; I'm talking about MY God. Isn't that right, Big Red? [stomps feet on the floor]

Mon, Sep. 5th, 2011, 09:03 pm
fernzola: (no subject)

[Grindr is an app where you can see gay people around in your area]

Shawn: dang busy grindr night
Shawn: i hardly ever get messages and tonight ive gotten like 6
ME: show them titties!
Shawn: i did
ME: oh ew
Shawn: :(

Sun, Jun. 12th, 2011, 02:33 pm
gingersuzal: I like hair.

Me and the boyfriend...

Joe: up to much?
Suzy: jonathan creek. though nik's left series 2 at home so i've had to miss a series
Joe: what an annoyance
Suzy: ikr, missed a whole series of mysteries and awesome hair
Joe: not so sure about the latter part of that statement
Suzy: alan davies' hair is awesome
Joe: i guess if you like mounds of things... and mop like structures
Joe: wait, you like that mangan fellow's hair too
Suzy: i'm a fan of hair
Joe: do you have a thing for men with flock of seagulls hair?
Suzy: seagulls?! pah
Suzy: i like curly hair... probly cause i'm around it so much
Suzy: and long hair in general
Joe: but my hair is dead straight CONSPIRACY
Suzy: but also long! and blonde
Joe: no no no
Suzy: i like blonde. it's very prince charmingish
Joe: no mangan though is it?
Suzy: still awesome though
Suzy: you think january jones is attractive and i'm basically the polar opposite, looks wise
Joe: this is true. you have made a good point
Suzy: ikr
Joe: i also like cats
Suzy: yeah you do
Joe: you don't resemble a cat
Suzy: moew
Joe: your impression needs some work
Suzy: it does, doesn't it

Tue, Feb. 8th, 2011, 11:08 pm
fernzola: (no subject)

Her: You should call me.
Jeffrey: I should?
Her: I don't know. Should you?
Jeffrey: I don't know. Should I?
Me being a wise @$$: This is the worst conversation I've ever heard.

Mon, Feb. 7th, 2011, 10:58 pm
fernzola: (no subject)

[I throw a soda can into the trash by throwing it from the kitchen]

ME: Booya!
Conner, my roommate: Oooh, good job.
ME: I'm so butch!
Conner: Yeah, I heard the WNBA is drafting soon!
ME: Asshole.

Thu, Dec. 16th, 2010, 02:40 am
fernzola: (no subject)

ME: who the hell is franny?
ME: a nanny?
Jake: you met her before
Jake: short chubby
Jake: with denise
ME: ohhhh
ME: native looking chick?
ME: or the black one?
Jake: natve looking
ME: you know i only see people in colors

Wed, Dec. 8th, 2010, 03:31 pm
fernzola: (no subject)

Audrey: Why don't I have your full attention right now?!?!?!?!
ME: I'm busy!!!
Audrey: Doing what? Eating? LMAO
ME: I hate you.

Wed, Nov. 10th, 2010, 09:04 pm
fernzola: (no subject)

Over FB chat.

ME: 8:51pm
by the way, i got fired today
ME: 8:53pm
i don't want everyone to hear!

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